Sunday, May 8, 2011

Formerly known as; Mom

I was a Mom, once. I know everyone is going to say, you will always be a Mom. But when I think of what a Mom is, I only qualified for about 11 years. I met Gil when I was 22 years old and was instantly thrust into his life full force. We were in "I can't spend one minute without you" love. Only this "love" came with two little children. Marilyn 19 months and Tyler 2 almost 3 years old. I liked the kids, but tried to stay away at first. But after a while it was doubtless that Gil and I were serious and headed toward marriage. Gils family was not all the happy about this girl coming into their lives and at first were resistant. They quit babysitting for us, so we were forced to move in together and that started my instant family. Nurturing came very easy for me. I fell in love with Tyler and Marilyn and a few years later Gil and I finally got married and it was official. Now although I loved them right away, it took them a while to come to me. I will never forget the first time I was called Mom. It was Marilyn waking me up in the morning, she said, "mommy, mommy, your're my mommy". I just scooped her into bed with me and held her tight. Tyler didn't come a long so easily... you see he remembered his birth Mom. She left Gil for another guy, and at first wanted custody, but gradually just left the picture altogether.  Tyler finally caved in after throwing at fit at the grocery store. I dragged him screaming out to the car and he just burst into tears and called me Mommy. For 11 years I loved being a Mom, but I was very unhappy in my marriage. I think this was one of those situations where both people have different expectations about what it is to be married. I stayed for so long because of my kids, but after a while you realize you are NOT being a good parent, Gil and I did not always see eye to eye on how to raise them, but mostly I was just sad. Sad to be so unhappy, sad to have to fake being happy all the time. So I left, and what seemed very suddenly. Although I knew in my heart for years that I was not in love anymore, no one else really knew. Even after I left I still went to visit my kids, just like a weekend dad. But soon that would end when just a few weeks after I left, Gil found another girlfriend, and that changed everything. Now I was no longer welcome, and that was the beginning of the end of being a mother.
I have always tried to stay in touch with Tyler and Marilyn, we have all had some good talks and I have even tried to help them out here and there. The fact of the matter is, they are a VERY close family, there is always a support team out there when needed, and that made it even more awkward to stay in their lives, they didn't really need me anymore.
So flash forward to today- they are 24 and 22, they are living their lives, Tyler has a son himself now. I can't say that I have any regrets, I feel like I did everything I could to stay in their lives, and I am here if they need me. I do regret letting a silly argument between me and Tyler basically end our relationship. What makes me really sad is that I feel like he is probably having major "mommy" issues after being left by two Moms, I am sorry Tyler.
Miss Mar Mar

Tyler and his little boy, a blondie! Seems the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, Tylers Girlfriend must be a blonde.

I talk to Marilyn intermittently, she keeps me filled in on things, I would love for her to be more involved with my arts and crafts, she is super creative, but it's just not her thing. Marilyn, thank you for calling me today to wish me a Happy Mothers Day.  Even though I don't feel like a Mom anymore, I have VERY fond memories of being one, to two amazing little ones that have a place in my heart forever.


  1. Awe, that was sweet and so sad at the same time. Bless you Denise. You did what you could and by CHOICE! Much Love to you!

  2. Thanks for sharing and how hard to let them go physical but glad Mar Mar called you. Cute adults.

  3. i love u mama- mar

  4. You will always be their mom. You should be proud.
    You were there to shape their lives in their most important, vital, formative years, with your acceptance, your presence and your love. You are important. Remember that.